Self-love Manifests a Tribe

Perhaps we should love ourselves so fiercely, that when others see us they know exactly how it should be done.

 -Rudy Francisco

Others will treat us as we teach them to treat us. If we act like a doormat, we will often be walked on. It may not seem fair, but it’s a truth of human nature. When we allow people to take advantage of us, some will. The flip side is that if we love ourselves, we’re showing them how we want to be treated. If we don’t, it shows.

Our vibe attracts our tribe.

For example, I knew a woman who had really low self-esteem and often called herself names. She used shame as a self-motivator with words like “I am so stupid” or “what a bitch I am.” By having that perspective about herself, she attracted people unknowingly that would reinforce these ideas. As she did her own self-love work and treated herself better, she found that many of her people no longer fit in her life. She had to make boundaries she’d never made before. By making boundaries she created safety and trust in relationships. She created new relationships with her friends and family where she no longer felt taken advantage of or in a power struggle. Admittedly, she lost some people because they were no longer in the same vibration. It gave her space for a new tribe that reflected and mentored her new growth. Her new peeps were a mirror to who she now saw herself as: powerful, kind and supportive. As we change who we are, our old friends from our school days might no longer fit. It doesn’t mean that we give up who we are becoming to stay who we were. It means we find the tribe that inspires us, supports us and respects us. We find a tribe that treats us exactly how we want to be treated – often by showing them how it’s done first. Check yourself: What am I giving up in order to keep peace or so I don’t risk being alone? Sometimes we fear losing things or upsetting people we love just by being authentic, so we choose to lose ourselves and what we truly desire instead. Don’t do that. Giving up on your dreams and who you want to be is not going to benefit anyone. If your new dreams don’t fit your current tribe, there’s another tribe waiting for you. Love yourself fiercely and your tribe will show up to cheer you on.]]>

You are going to love these too!


  1. So very true. The concept of self-love used to make me squirm; gradually, through beginning to like myself, I’m finding it easier. Now I wince when I hear someone beat themselves up!

  2. susancowe says:

    Lovely piece. Love of self allows all other relationships to benefit. Certainly some relationships will wither but so many will blossom.

  3. This is very good and very true. Surrounding yourself with people who genuinely care about you starts with you. Thanks for this.

    1. You’re welcome! Thanks for stopping by:)

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