Lesson 4: Overcoming the Inner Conflicts

Our defaults, while once beneficial, can become sources of inner conflict. Let’s explore some common beliefs that often create turmoil within ourselves and discover practical solutions to overcome them.

  • People-pleasing: We often find ourselves caught in the trap of people-pleasing. In this lesson, we’ll explore the shift from constantly caring about others to prioritizing yourself and holding healthy boundaries.
  • Perfectionism: is another common belief that can lead to inner conflict. The shift here is from striving for perfection to embracing ‘good enough.’ Not everything has to be 100% – honestly. Besides perfect is always a moving target. We can always find details to shift but we can think about the overall impact and make choices for ourselves — not “what will everyone else think?”
  • Shaming ourselves. This is often how our parents ‘punished’ us for making mistakes… but now it’s our voice doing the shaming. I promise you can grow without shame or punishment.
  • Seeking external validation: Am I the only Gen Xer who had a mom that was always concerned with what other people will think? No. I doubt it. It primed us to be people-pleasers and to conform to what we think the world expects of us. Live your life. As Dr. Suess said: Those who matter won’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.
  • I’m not ‘enough’ or ‘too much’ wounds: We all have them. I mean it. You are all you need to be. You can shift some things, but under it all, this is our ego lying to us.
  • Invisibility and beliefs around midlife and aging: Don’t let the media get to you. Older women are not invisible (unless they want to be). Aging is sexy compared to the alternative and we have more vibrance in our midlife than at any other time in history. I know older women I want to be when I grow up. Don’t you?

What beliefs are holding you back?

It might be some on this list or it could be some others that you’ve taken on.

Tools for this Lesson:

What beliefs are holding you back?

Check in with the list above. Which of these are you holding onto or falling into.

Be honest and take a look.

How can you shift those beliefs so they serve you more?

What are your gifts & strengths?

Sometimes we don’t see the most obvious gifts we bring because we either don’t see them as a gift or we don’t see them in ourselves. Use these questions to go deeper with yourself and then ask some friends too.

In these worksheets, you are going to look at your gifts, and I HIGHLY encourage you to ask your friends what your strengths are. You might be surprised by what they offer.

WORKSHEETS here.

What’s your Golden Shadow?

You are also going to look at your Golden Shadow. Shadow is all the things that we don’t claim because we repress and deny them. 

The Golden Shadow is all the gifts we hide. We find them by seeing them in other people. The Golden Shadow asks: What do I see in other people that I admire or envy? Those gifts are yours too or you wouldn’t be able to see them in others. 

Check the worksheets in the second tool for these worksheets too!

It’s time to claim ALL OF YOUR GOLD. 

Ready to go deeper?

My Confident, Connected, and Impactful Coaching Program is for you! We look at how we dive into confidence so we can feel good about how we show up for ourselves, our relationships, and the world… and it’s simpler than you think! There are 9 modules with all the visualizations and tools you need just like the ones in this toolkit. We go deep and make big shifts either in a small group (up to 4) or private sessions. Learn more here.

See you in our last lesson!